SPACE HAMSTERS
By Erin McCarty
Copyright © 2000
“WHOOSH!“ Ben cried as he flew his Lego spaceship through the air. Socks and Sam, his pet dwarf hamsters, were inside.
“Boy!” Socks quivered excitedly. “We’re real space cadets! If only Mom could see us now!”
“Yeah, great...I guess,” muttered Sam.
“What’s the matter, Sam? We’ve been chosen to go on a mission through outer space! I’m so glad a delegation is finally being sent to that horrible planet, Catland.”
“The one c-crawling with cats?” Sam wasn’t sure he liked this idea at all.
“Yeah, that one! Why? Are you scaaaared?” Socked taunted him.
“What? Me scared of a couple of dumb cats? You’ve got to be kidding me! You’d never catch me running from one of those overgrown bullies! I was just...uh...testing you! Yeah, that’s it!”
“Of course, Sam, of course,” she rolled her eyes. Sam impudently stuck his tongue out at her, but she simply ignored him and turned back to business. “All right, First Officer Sam, what can you spot out there?”
“First Officer!” Sam protested. “How come you get to be captain?”
“Oh, Sam, don’t you know that the First Officer is really the most important? I mean, it’s the First Officer who always saves the day. Without him, the Captain would be nothing,” Socks insisted.
“Really?” Sam flushed with pride.
“Of course,” Socks assured him.
“Well, in that case...hmm. I see an arm,” he offered.
“That’s our launchpad,” Socks replied drily.
“Oh. Um, well, just let me magnify the visual to... “
“CAT!!!” Socks interrupted. “We’ll have to eject and speak to her on the surface.”
“Talk? To her?” Sam whimpered. “I’m not so sure that’s such a good idea!”
“I thought you said you weren’t scared,” Socks retorted.
“I’m not! But, well, it’s just that cats are so stupid and all, how could we talk to one of them?” Sam blustered.
“Honestly, Sam,” Socks sighed. “Come on! No backing out now. You agreed to go on this mission!“
“You tricked me!” Sam reminded her. “You told me that this was a secret food storage space, and...“
“Food,” Socks murmured. “Sam, that’s it! You’re a genius! Food! That’s why the Cats have been sending explorers to our planet. They’re hungry! They go after hamsters like us because they know we’re here. But what if they had something else they could take back to their home planet?”
“Like what?” Sam asked.
“They say that you are what you eat, so we must be what we eat,” Socks reasoned. “We must taste the same as our food. Think how much easier it would be for the cats to transport our food and stock up on it. And they wouldn’t even have to work to get it!”
“Oh, why should we help them? Who wants to make life easier for them? They’ve sure made it hard for us,” Sam complained.
“But they won’t anymore if we convince them that it’s not in their best interests,” Socks insisted. “If we make it easy for them, then we’ll both end up winning.”
“I still say it’s more than they deserve,” Sam grumbled. “Oh, well, let’s get out of here.”
“Now you’re talking, Sam!” Socks lifted up the spaceship’s plastic door and she and Sam jumped out, landing squarely on the cat’s back.
“Hang on tight, here we go!” Socks warned Sam as the startled cat bolted down the stairs.
“Oh, no! Cuddles, get back here!” Ben shouted. But the speedy Cuddles was already out of sight, crouched behind the couch in the living room.
“Ha!” Cuddles sneered. “Now I’ve got you, and there’s nothing that miserable kid can do to stop me!”
“Now, now...let’s not be too hasty...” Sam backed away nervously.
“I see that you have diplomatically decided to bring us back to our home planet in order to discuss the matter at hand,” Socks piped up. She peered out from behind the couch towards Ben’s room down the hall. “As you see, our own cozy home is just down the road, if you would care to follow us there.”
“Planet?” Cuddles looked decidedly confused. “Look, mouse -- or whatever you are -- I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m not about to find out. Beggars can’t be choosers, I always say, and a crazy mouse tastes just the same as a sane one.” Socks deftly leaped out of the way as Cuddles made a swipe at her.
“Hamster,” Socks corrected. “We’re hamsters, and we’d like to make your life a little easier.”
“How?” Cuddles’ emerald eyes narrowed.
“Come home with us and we will show you,” Socks urged.
“Well...all right,” Cuddles agreed, “but this had better be good. I’m starved. Lousy diet. Kid won’t give me more than one can of food a day. Says I’m getting too fat. Now is that any way to talk to a lady? You tell me, Bub, you think I’m fat?”
“Er, no...no, of course not! You’re...really quite attractive. You must cause quite a stir when you go out on the town,” Sam told her.
“Hey, this fella’s all right!” Cuddles grinned. She turned to Socks. “You’ve got yourself a keeper here. Don’t let this one go. Come on, get on my back, I’ll give you a lift.”
A few long strides brought the three to Ben’s room, where the open bucket of hamster food lay underneath the desk that the hamsters’ cage was on.
“See for yourself,” Socks offered. Cuddles nosed her way into the bucket and munched some of the grains and seeds that the hamsters lived on.
“Hmmm,” she considered. “This stuff’s not so bad. Not exactly what I’d call fine dining, but it would fill me up. Free up my schedule, y’know? I’m tired of being so hungry all the time and wasting half my day looking for something to eat besides my breakfast which the kid gives me. I think I’m gonna give this a shot. Thanks! You’re not bad for a couple of tailless mice.”
“Um...thanks, I think,” Sam replied.
“Yes, I’m so glad this all worked out. I knew that peace between our planets could somehow be achieved. And, Sam,” she added, “betcha we get a promotion for this. And another mission. Maybe to face the Dogs and discuss this wet nose business. I mean, they’re trying to be friendly, I suppose, some sort of native custom I suspect. But we must explain to them that a wet nose as large as our heads can be intimidating to us...”
Socks rambled on, growing ever more excited by the minute, as Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. He turned to Cuddles and shrugged.
“Yeah, I know what you mean, Bub, but don’t give up on ‘er,” Cuddles advised. “She’s got spunk, she’s just a little nutso. That’s all. You take care of ‘er for me, will ya?”
“You bet,” Sam smiled, waving to Cuddles as she walked away. Marveling at the events of the day, he scampered up to his cage, still open from when Ben had taken Socks and him out. It had never felt so good to be home. He curled up in his cozy bed of newspaper as the distant drone of Socks’ continuing speech reached his ears. “Maybe I should tell her that no one’s listening?” he mused. “After all, a First Officer is supposed to look after his Captain.”
“...and I’ll lead the delegation, of course, and I can impress them with superior diplomatic skills. That is, superior being a relative term, I mean not that yours are inferior, but we’re thinking about our future here -- everyone’s future. The fate of the universe lies in our paws, Sam! Socks’ Starteam. Whaddya think? You don’t mind, of course, I mean that’s just so much more catchy than Sam’s Starteam...” Socks babbled.
Sam looked from his bed to her, and back again.
“Nah.”
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