Greeble-Deeble

By Erin McCarty

Copyright © 2000

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Percival McPherson, Intergalactic Explorer Extraordinaire. Phew -- that's a mouthful! But don't you worry about all that formality...all my friends (of which you are most certainly one) call me Percy.

I've been all over the universe with my trusty Starsailer, a ship I designed and built myself. Now that I have retired, I feel it is time to share some of my adventures with those who are not so well traveled as I. One of the most memorable of these occurred in 2187, some 20-odd days after my 34th birthday...

There is a planet many light-years away in the galaxy of Glurble. It cannot be seen from Earth and, to my knowledge, no one on Earth knows it exists except for me. The name of this planet is Dremblug. It is the fifth of ten planets in Glurble bursting with intelligent life - except for one small Blugian named Greeble-Deeble.

Greeble-Deeble was only 500 years old when I reached Dremblug. He was the youngest in his family and only on his way to maturity. Perhaps he would have grown to be a fine upstanding citizen like the five million-year-old leader of Dremblug had he not been involved in the accident. When I landed my ship on his planet, you see, he was standing directly in the line of fire and consequently suffered the terrible side-effect of being landed on by a rocket: perpetual and exponentially increasing ignorance.

The other Blugians were able to learn my language quickly and effortlessly, but Greeble-Deeble only learned a few words - and those with much difficulty. One day, Greeble-Deeble waddled up to me.

"Greeble-Deeble help?" he asked hopefully when he saw me picking grushna, a delicious and nutritious Dremblug food.

"Oh, that won't be necessary, Greeb," I assured him nervously. "I've got about all I need...um, why don't you run along and tell your mother I'll be along with the berries soon?" His huge chestnut eyes welled up with silvery tears and his lower lip trembled furiously.

"Not want Greeble-Deeble?" he sniffed.

"Oh, no, it's not that, it's just...just..." but I found myself unable to resist those huge hopeful eyes. "Oh, all right. Why don't you take a basket and start filling it?"

Greeble-Deeble was so happy he leaped for joy and landed squarely in the spare basket I had lying on the ground next to me. When he tried to jump out, his foot got caught in the handle and he tripped. Before I had a chance to try to catch him, he was rolling down the hill where the grushna grew with alarming speed.

"Hey, watch out, Dweeble!" called Gorkus, a hulking Blugian who was standing at the bottom of the hill with his sneering crowd of friends.

"Yeah, Dweeble!" someone from the group added. "This area is off-limits to dweebs like you!"

"Only our gang can go near the Spring-o-matic!" another yelled.

Greeble-Deeble was rolling too fast to reply, but it was clear that whatever the Spring-o-matic was, he was headed straight for it. He scrambled in vain to change his course as Gorkus' gang hurled insults at him. The Spring-o-matic, an enormous wooden board attached to a heavy iron spring, loomed before him, and Greeble-Deeble shrieked in terror as he went hurtling towards it. He hit the board with the force of a dozen blugians and found himself soaring through the air back the way he'd come. There was nothing I could do as he sailed past me a hundred feet above my head. Just after he vanished from my sight, I heard a sickening thud from the direction of Greeble-Deeble's house. I rushed to find out what had happened, and as I burst through the front door of his house I saw Greeble-Deeble, covered with ash and soot, sitting dejectedly in the fireplace.

"Greeble-Deeble come down," he groaned.

"Are you okay, Greeb?" I asked anxiously. "That must've been quite a fall!"

"Greeble-Deeble fall down," he explained. "Greeble-Deeble not hurt...only here," he sighed, pointing to his heart. His thick skin served him well, but it could not prevent the most harmful injury of all.

"Don't you pay any attention to Gorkus and his gang," I chided. "It was just an accident. If they can't see that, then they must not be as smart as they claim to be. You are not Dweeble, no matter how many times they call you that. Okay?"

Greeble-Deeble nodded sullenly and trudged off to his room.

Much to my chagrin, I noticed Greeble-Deeble began spending less and less time outdoors, hiding in his bedroom whenever he got a chance. It was clear that my words had not helped as I had hoped they would. I decided to talk it over with his father.

"I'm worried about your son, Miklar," I confided. "He hasn't been acting himself lately, and I'm afraid I know why. The trouble is that I don't know what to do about it."

"I've noticed it, too," Miklar confirmed. "Greeble-Deeble cries himself to sleep every night. He wants to help the others and to feel like he is a part of the group, but he doesn't feel like he can do anything right. I must admit that he does seem a bit inept, but I suspect that that will not change. It seems, then, that what we need to do is find a way to get past that."

"I agree," I nodded. "But how?"

"That," Miklar sighed, "is a matter for great consideration. Let us think on it this week and meet again upon Festival's Eve."

So the date was set. And a great foreboding filled me because I knew that if Miklar and I could not come up with a solution to cheering Greeble-Deeble up by the appointed date; I would no longer be able to help them. I was scheduled to launch on Festival Day, and Admiral Oggleston had been quite adamant that I set off on time.

Little was I to know of the sinister plans in development for Festival's Eve...

The Council of Gloople, a neighboring planet of Dremblug known for its warlike inhabitants, met on the very night of the first conversation between Miklar and myself.

"I tire, my friends, of watching Dremblug prosper right before my very eyes," Lord Pruklo complained. "I have seen its inhabitants on a trip I made there years ago. They are strong, yes, but we outnumber them greatly. We could easily take them by force. But what is especially remarkable about them is their intellect. We are mere fools compared to them, and I do not wish it so."

"What can we do?" a beady-eyed Gloop piped up. "If they have brains on their side, we don't stand a chance!"

"I'll not have a member of my Council speak that way," Pruklo reprimanded.

"Yes, Lubko, it may be difficult, but it can most certainly be done. The trick is to capture one of them when no one is looking, bring him back here and force him to reveal the secret of his intellect. Then we shall be made as smart as those accursed Blugians and take over their planet once and for all!"

"An admirable plan, sir!" an eager young Gloop cried. "And I am just the one to carry it out!"

"You?" laughed Lubko. "Varmis, you may be the Lord's nephew, but you still have a lot of growing up to do. Leave this one to the experienced."

"Lubko! You will not speak to my nephew that way!" Pruklo scolded. "Honestly, if you don't get a handle on that tongue of yours it's going to get you into some major trouble! Yes, Varmis, I think that is an excellent idea. It's time you tested your wings, so to speak. I trust you. Don't let me down."

"Yes, sir! I won't disappoint you, Uncle!" Varmis promised. "When must I leave?"

"It is only a day's journey to Dremblug, and I think the ideal time to arrive would be their Festival's Eve, which is only five days from now," Pruklo decided. "Everyone will be busy in their homes with their own preparations, so you need only look for someone out for a late night stroll. Lure him into your ship as gently and quietly as you can. If our luck holds, it may be hours before someone realizes that he is missing."

Sundown five days later brought Festival's Eve. The night was shrouded in velvety folds of midnight blue sky pierced by the bright silvery beams of light from Dermblug's three moons.

"Greeble-Deeble," Miklar suggested, "why don't you go for a walk? It's a gorgeous night, and I'm sure you won't be disturbed."

Greeble-Deeble shuffled off into the night as Miklar awaited my arrival. The night was invigorating and calming somehow, and Greeble-Deeble began to feel better as he ambled along through the thick grass. He hummed tunelessly to himself and became so self-absorbed that he did not realize he was being followed.

"Greetings. I am Varmis. Would you be so kind as to tell me your name?" Varmis asked, causing Greeble-Deeble to jump in fright. As he turned to look at Varmis he became even more alarmed because this was the strangest creature he had ever seen.

"Did I frighten you? I'm sorry," Varmis apologized. "I won't hurt you."

"G-G-Greeble-Deeble," Greeble-Deeble stammered.

"What's that?" Varmis raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

"Name," Greeble-Deeble replied.

"Oh, yes! Very good. I am pleased to meet you, Greeble-Deeble. How would you like to go on a little trip with me?" Varmis wanted to know.

"Not like fall," Greeble-Deeble shook his head, remembering what had happened when he tripped over that basket.

"Fall? Well, no, of course not. Spring is just starting there, just like here.

That's what the Festival is for, isn't it? Why, spring and fall couldn't be more different!" Varmis exclaimed. "It's quite nice there, I assure you. Will you come see?"

"Bad fish!" Greeble-Deeble cried. He would never forget his family's trip to the Kilbash Sea when he had been bitten by a chomperfish.

"What do fish have to do with anything?" Varmis demanded. "I just want to get you out of here!"

"Hear what?" Greeble-Deeble asked innocently.

"How can you be so smart if you can't answer one simple question?" Varmis fumed.

"Greeble-Deeble!" Greeble-Deeble smiled proudly. That was the one simple question he could always answer.

"I've had it! Uncle Pruklo must have remembered wrong. There's something very unnatural about this place. These Blugians are far stupider than we'll ever be. I've gotta get out of here!" Varmis muttered. He resumed his normal voice to bid a cheery farewell to Greeble-Deeble and returned with his ship to Gloople.

Greeble-Deeble returned home smiling just as I walked in the door.

"Oh, Greeble-Deeble, back so soon?" Miklar greeted. "I had thought you would be gone longer..." He raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged.

"Ship!" Greeble-Deeble shouted. He had witnessed the departure of Varmis' ship as it broke through the atmosphere overhead.

"What do you mean, son?" Miklar wondered.

"Fly!" Greeble-Deeble explained. "Varmis!"

"Varmis!" Miklar gasped. "That's a Gloopian name if I ever heard one. Oh, we should have expected something like this sooner or later from that old goat Pruklo. He met Nemoris the Wise when he was here as a child and assumed that everyone on our planet is as brilliant as he was. Truly, we aren't a whole lot smarter than they are, but they just don't realize it. I'll bet Pruklo wanted somebody to show him how to be smart!"

"Greeble-Deeble," I said slowly, "did you speak with this 'Varmis'?" Greeble-Deeble nodded solemnly. I continued, "Did he leave?" Greeble-Deeble bobbed his head enthusiastically. I laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" Miklar asked.

"Don't you see? He tried to take Greeble-Deeble!" I chuckled. "If I play my cards right, I think I can fix it so that they never bother you again. You did a good thing, Greeb, a very good thing."

I set off the next morning to the heartfelt farewells of all the Blugians who had become like family to me in the past year. I promised to keep in touch and I assured Miklar that I would let him know what happened at Gloople. I received special permission from Admiral Oggleston to make a quick stop on Gloople before I left the solar system. When I landed, crowds of Gloops were there to greet me.

"Who are you?" demanded Pruklo, pushing his way towards my ship.

"I am an emissary from a far-off planet," I began. "I have come to bring warning to the good citizens of your planet."

"Oh, really?" Pruklo eyed me carefully. "What manner of warning might that be?"

"I have just been to the planet Dremblug," I told him. "A terrible plague has reached that place, and its inhabitants who were the smartest in the galaxy only decades ago are now barely coherent. Even a day there put me at such grave risk that I had to leave immediately."

"I told you, Uncle!" Varmis exclaimed. "I told you that planet was no good!"

"All right, I believe you," Pruklo sighed. "It seems that Dremblug has slipped forever from our grasp. Thank you, sir. We are in your debt."

"Only doing my job," I smiled as I ducked back into Starsailer. I ventured forth towards my next adventure, hoping it would be as satisfying as this one had been.

As for Greeble-Deeble, when I sent Miklar the good news, Greeble-Deeble became a hero. Even Gorkus slapped him on the back and offered to make him a member of his gang. Greeble-Deeble has never fully understood what happened, but no one teases him anymore and as far as I know he is still living happily to this day.

Your impressions, responses and comments are invited.

Please sign the guest book.

SIGN VIEW

or write Erin personally

Return to Erin's Home Page

Return to Bubba's Famous Web Stop