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: Tchaikovsky wrote to his nephew/lover Bob Davidof that the 6th Symphony ('Pathetique') held a secret, an enigma. I never listened this work until last night, in the dark. I was amazed (in spite of being an unemotional digital recording). The piece depicts the secret and tortur'd longings of a covert homoseksual. One clearly feels it's a man walking alone in the street, prey to an overpowering seksual urge that dominates all his being. Prey to uncontrolable sinful sweetness. At the same time an infinite sadness pervades him. He feels this like something he can't rid of, and he feels tremendously sad and guilty about it. He can do nothing, he can't escape his fate. Suddenly he sees something that attracts his senses in a powerful way, that sends his head spining 'round. This is clearly a boy or young man that is the centre of his attention. All his feeling is concentrated in this object of love and desire that engulfs his sense of self-dejection and sadness. He cruises the youth and a frenetic scene of maasturbation follows, up to the releasing convulsive orggasm and there-after apeasing nostalgia. Life goes on...

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